After a long hiatus away (I have a full time job now, teaching; if you want to call it that)...I have come to many conclusions:

1. I am technically no longer "broke" (at least in the monetary sense of the word - though I wonder if monetary poverty has its benefits when compared to the soul-sucking, mind-numbing, passion massacre of not being able to grow or develop oneself intellectually or creatively on the job)
2. I am still disgusted (with HigerEd, with bureaucracy, with lazy students, with grade-grubbing students, with whiny students, excuse-laden students, essentially with every student that I am subjected to each day in the No-Mind's-Land of Remedial Writing!)
3. I am tired and uninspired
4. I am becoming a bitter professor {I mean the bitterest of the bitter kind -- like that professor of mine who once, on that first day of class, hurled this shining insult: "You all are the victims of educational malpractice! You don't know how to write, and I don't know how you even got admitted to this school!" Yeah that kind of bitter = ( }
5. I rarely ever engage both cortexes of my brain...no, seriously! This is a major problem in my life right now. I have heard that people with too little stimulation can actually die...or maybe that is what being brain dead means -- I am literally an English teacher zombie: going through the motions but not actually engaging with any stimulating thoughts, my students or my own. (I never thought I would long for the days when I was a student and my only job was to read, write and think about beautiful, complex, and interesting ideas) 

I know that much of this sounds like complaints. Many people would tell me to suck it up and be glad that I have a job to go to each day, but when did "just getting through things" become the hallmark of good career advice? I don't want to just get through my career, wishing away day after day, longing for the next holiday to get here so that I can enjoy it for a day and then slip right back into the fear of impending doom on the job and moving through the doldrums of one bad day after another.

I know that the illusive "good job" exists. In fact, my students talk about this mythological creature quite often. It is truly something to be envied - it can be attained by anyone at any educational level, comes with a $90,000 dollar salary, amazing benefits, a house and a luxury car - isn't that amazing?!

But, I really do believe that I can find a job that is a "good fit" for me personally; a job that (most days if not many days) allows me to feel inspired and worthwhile, not battered and defeated; a job that edifies me as I edify others; a job that ignites not extinguishes my passions and creativity; a job that challenges me as I challenge the status quo of society; a job that encourages intellectual curiosity and doesn't squelch a budding idea.

This job Mecca or Utopia is out there, and the largest lesson that I have learned in my short time in this position is that pursuing your job dreams or passions or happiness is the highest imperative because there is only one thing other than marriage that many of us will commit the largest portion of our lives to - a career!


Liked what you read? (Of course you did!) Then hit the little follow button. It would make me so happy to see your face there. OR, just leave me a comment!
Reporting from the Trenches...